4:47 AM - January 01, 2010
Black Cat
I never did like Peter Parker, he always seemed so desperate. To be loved, to save them and to never let his loved ones go. And most of how different our lives turned out.

2:15 AM - December 29, 2009
Release / Throw
Guilt fills me, but i can't allow her in. That smile is so fake and sixty percent of what comes out of it are lies. I really did love you once though and i know you felt the same. But now, we are better off apart, even sisters drift apart. I can't keep acting like everything is fine and neither can you.

8:09 PM - December 28, 2009
Tornique
And when she gets inside your head, that girls never gonna let go. She knows how you operate and how to shut you down. And most of all, how you really feel.

5:18 AM - December 26, 2009
Will
"Does your heart have to skip a beat to be in love?" she wonders aloud in true curiosity. "Have i ever felt that?"

11:30 - December 24 2009
Vanity
Despite my utter F.M.A moment, i am really not a homunculus, nor the sin of lust. Just a geek, a very pretty geek...

Unknown - December 12 2009
Can't Get My Head Around You
"I question your motives as often as i question my own," she replies in turn.

11:20 AM - December 16, 2009
I Can't Do This...
Most of the time i blame her for the way i am, for never fitting in. and yet i would hate myself if i were like them, even more than i do now.

2:34 PM - December 09, 2009
The Recieving End of Sirens
She's surrounded by those she loves, and wants nothing to do with them...

2:41 AM - November 27, 2009
Cornered
Revenge drawn onto the skin seems sweet, but we all know 400 cuts are unreasonable... Even i will admit that.

11:38 PM - November 25, 2009
Dead Calm
She lost it all and all i want to do is dig in, show her how to really fuck up.

2:19 AM - November 25, 2009
Brick By Boring Brick
"They're inside your head," she whispers, "telling you who you ought to be." Well i wont let them take my skin too, like they took my smile... imitation, smile to advert threat and no one notices a thing.

2:26 AM - November 19, 2009
Collision
Ace says a pure man never gets lost and takes on a look of confusion... Thats why that man has got good direction he explains, he's never lost himself...

4:27 AM - November 17, 2009
My Heroine
Her tears she can't control and no one notices a thing. She asks herself what she missed and wonders what the hell started this? And she just might have a clue, surrounded in arms.

5:24 AM - November 16, 2009
Heart No Kuni No Alice
The hatter's mad you see, and when he loses interest she is dead. The hare is fond of delight and the rabbit can't help but grin. Ace is more than he appears when lost, but isnt that true with all cards? And poor Alice she just wants to go home, but Nightmare holds her while the clock man watches over them... And falls in loves all over again...

3:43 AM - November 14, 2009
Haven
"Your heaven or mine?" she asks aloud to them. "I don't quite like that look on your face", they reply silently.

10:23 PM - November 13, 2009
Brink Of Madness
It's a slow suicide she knows and they just don't get it, each pill leaves her alittle closer to the edge, alittle closer to heaven.

10:22 PM - November 13, 2009
The Ex
He's trying to drop that girl like she's nothing, too late he realizes she's already gone and done it herself. They broke each other's hearts with friend requests.

1:59 AM - November 13, 2009
Fences
I could have you if i wanted, i could make you beg, and scream my name. I could make you everything i wanted, but you could never stay... One of us would leave and break each other's fucking hearts.

1:07 AM - November 12, 2009
Concrete Angel
Sometimes i accept their facts, that i'm spoiled in the ways they weren't. that i never had to do things for myself, and i never cared too. But you see, even with these traits i'm better than you. I care when your careless, when words are dropped and forgotten. when your surrounded by false friends and i'm all alone, thinking. Did you think of me once then?

12:46 AM - November 12, 2009
Set It Off
And she talks about the stupidest things, pretending you'll understand. That you won't understand her genius and treat her right with that intelligence. Just remember though boy, she was never that dumb. just lonely and needed someone beside her. She could drop you like a rock in a pool, uncaring.

12:39 AM - November 12, 2009
Hit The Floor
The truth is your not the only one who's afraid of rejection, and as i write this i'm crying because of it. Tomorrow i'm going to go to school on the bus and sit beside the little asshole who took my spot, the place i've been the last six years. Never telling the bird why i've been avoiding school, no matter the chance of being kicked out. I'm just so damn afraid of this change, and of having to move over. i don't want to deal with their shit anymore... But it's all i do. move over...

-
Way Of The Wind
Have you ever felt invincible, safe within your skin? I'm trying to remember when i last did. Nothings comes to mind...

-
Gomenasai
Don't walk away... She's pleading on her knees. I never thought you would be this cruel.

-
God Damned Evil Angels, Why Can't He Damn Them?
And sometimes i hate myself as much as i hate them, for being so weak and petty. For imagining i could be anyone's angel. I never saw one bleed like this...

-
Go
And i want to see me as i am, no fucking angel. They don't bleed like i do or even dare too.

-
Cupid Missed His Mark
And you smile at me and i try to return it, but i think you see right through it. I don't want to love you anymore. I don't want to feel so damn alone in this.

-
Fingerprints
And the boy told her, "If only you had given up living in that fantasy world and accepted reality, you wouldn't cry so much." And he believed his every word. And it strung a cord within her. "Would you hold me there?" she whispered and reached out toward his face, ready.

-
Profanity
In every reflective surface she gazes at herself. Amazed she really exsists and all that there is. And everytime she gets lost in her eyes. That is what love is.

-
Spilled Canvas
And i could of walked into the path of that semi today, but i didn't. He missed me and i kept going. How is that for dying?

6:12 AM - October 21, 2009
Pierced
She pulls on her ears,pressing down and ignoring the pain. Damn it aches. And she wonders about death and possible blood poisoning.

8:15 PM - October 17, 2009
Linger
I guess i should of told you i've known, hinted at the truth. But i knew you would tell me in time and i'm so proud of you. I hope you find her...

9:16 PM - October 16, 2009
Bloody Mary
Have you ever gotten lost in your self? Just staring at a mirror, the reflection of them? Damn, i've had enough to drink.

9:27 PM - October 13, 2009
Watering Eyes
Face it, the mascara and eyeliner strewn amonst your hand and wrist scream the truth. Feathered marks, latent arsenic and empty eyes. You blink too much.

9:07 PM - October 13, 2009
Shifting Crimson Tides
And her smile doesn't quite meet her eyes. She says she misses the drugs and i told her i know. I miss my knives and feeling alive.

10:24 PM - October 12, 2009
Couldn't Understand
And i wondered, what would you do if i told you she was screaming inside my head? Would you of responded with the same silence? Because i can't feel a thing.

9:59 PM - October 10, 2009
Lorene Drive
She grew up strange they said, believed romance could fuel this stead. But then he lied and she broke her skin. How i laughed then. That girl should of never believed him.

7:22 PM - October 05, 2009
Biting Regret
Sometimes i hate how impulsive she is and how impulsive i've become. Should of never asked, should of never said yes and everything would be fine.

7:35 PM - October 03, 2009
Sage
It's a chilly day with ruffled feathers and heavy eyes. I adore you.

5:54 PM - October 01, 2009
Breathing Room
Your surrounded, by what you always wanted. And yet you can't smile, this isn't enough. This isn't what you needed, your still empty inside.

7:16 PM - September 27, 2009
The Centerpiece
And when they talk to me, i cannot reveal their hatred for each other or what they really think. Yet i keep on listening, they know i always will and that disturbs me. What would they say about me?

10:31 PM - September 24, 2009
Onion
Sometimes i wish i had a second personality, so the voice inside my head wouldn't be so lonely.

9:06 PM - September 22, 2009
Physics Of Immortality
What if we were resurrected and never even knew? What if this all we will ever know? And lastly then, what of ghosts? Are they our last bit of sanity?

9:50 PM - September 18, 2009
Rot
New trailor, new home and old ghosts.

6:49 PM - September 15, 2009
Temperance
She's the storm that clouds their minds and pours acid rain. Her touch damaging and ever gray. You smile and look up, can you feel the burning yet?

1:01 PM - September 14, 2009
Idol
And there's this evil side of me that wants to make her hate you as much as i do. Too make her eyes lose their shine and turn to look again.

9:30 AM - September 14, 2009
Wake Up Screaming
My brother killed the last of my trust, and you killed the last of my kindness. Because you see... There's a poison dust on those bills you take, a shadow on every wall and a silent threat, my promise to die. My final revenge and your final breathe.

9:14 AM - September 14, 2009
Broken Cheque
And i guess i knew you better than your own kids, because honestly i was expecting this. And maybe i've hardened myself to their lies. Maybe i've come to expect your worse. And every knawing pain i ignored. I know you better than anyone, because i could of been you. The enemy.

7:58 PM - September 12, 2009
Dislodge
"I'm going to go candycane on your ass," she says and swings the chrismas ornament. The little girl fighting her laughs. They should of been cleaning out the bunkhouse.

7:57 PM - September 11, 2009
All The Hate
Momma killed the hero in her eyes and she awoke, disillusioned. Just sign the papers, daddy, just sign them and we'll be ok. We won't have to lie. Their anger and resentment will be able to fade. I won't feel so stupid. How didn't i know?

8:43 PM - September 10, 2009
Ruined
And i'm so fucking angry, so fucking upset. She's gonna let him back in... And i would rather die. He hurt me the worst.

4:28 PM - September 08, 2009
Round One: Knife Vrs Face
She's got me livid hours later and unsettled. Her voice grating and i was to be quiet, to whisper. Didn't she ever hear that was rude? Well i got her in my sights and ready to sting. She won't know what hit her... Because my words are gonna be as sharp as knives.

11:29 PM - September 06, 2009
Hands Down
And with you out of my life i wondered, did i ever really miss you? No... You just helped me past the time and thats all i'm willing to say, to admit.

1:01 AM - September 04, 2009
Glorified Passings
I'm waiting for something to happen...

1:35 PM - August 29, 2009
Dearest Sister
An average girl with normal tendencies holds her breath. Her world is small and her heart holds little. Its all about partying and getting stoned, who ever's highest. Shopping involves friends and daddies money. Stealing doesn't leave you bitter and everyone accepts your lies with little complaint. Few realize just how great this is, to be ordinary.

11:04 PM - August 27, 2009
Compact Little Letters
Does my name bring a smile to your face? Do you realize that when i hear yours, i miss you? That is what love was.

10:37 PM - August 27, 2009
Pay It Forward
You say you want to help now? Well i don't want it. You missed your fucking chance... With every empty word.

9:13 PM - August 26, 2009
Spin Your Head Right Round Baby
I'm going to make your head spin, i promise.

2:45 AM - August 22, 2009
15 Things To Do Before I Die
She wants to be a knock out and learn kick boxing, leaving a person down after the first shot. Smile when she cuts to deep and gets married. Hold her breath for 60 seconds and fall in love. Capture the moment her fist breaks the window glass and watch you fall in love. Listen to their shocked gasps and overdose on pills. Eat everything and go back for fifths. Kiss the right one and learn to swim. Dance in public and run through the streets laughing. Collapse to the ground and lay in the middle of the street at night, falling asleep.

5:08 PM - August 20, 2009
Seal It With A Kiss
She smiles bitterly and thinks to herself why? How? They won't accept it and in embarressment covers her scarred skin. "Yeah, i hurt myself you see. I just had to you know. Sometimes it's easier to hurt yourself, because when they do it might not heal. Yeah, just like that." Maybe they will even believe it.

5:50 PM - August 19, 2009
Wide Awake
And that's just what it was, a glance. You no longer look at me the same way. I hold to much pain, i represent everything you hate. Oh mister dreamer, who is the one who gave up?

3:06 AM - August 19, 2009
Intruder
And then she realized he has always been watching. And in that moment, through the window he saw the saw the real her. Gasping for air and tear streaked face. He always saw her and that day he walked past, how long had he stopped to stare? Before she noticed and the blinds went down. What had he thought? Had she seemed strong?

9:50 PM - August 16, 2009
Much Like Falling
She loves the ropes and threads collapsing her throat as they tighten. "I can live no other way," she says, " Suffocation, yeah that is love." They think it's only a game, i know much better.

9:50 PM - August 16, 2009
Funeral
I still wouldn't let him come...

3:23 PM - August 15, 2009
7 5 3
Thirty lines short of family grace and i can't do it.

5:57 PM - August 10, 2009
Gouge The Eyes
I don't want to do anything, i want to sit and rot. Just like everyone before me. I can't find peace anywhere else. As the words line up and books are stacked, the isolation incurs. If you can't touch me, neither can i...

5:51 PM - August 10, 2009
Skin
What's below your skin she wonders. Staring at the mirror image of herself, distorted. What's there? What are you hiding? Can i pick at it? Can i shred the differences between us?

4:33 PM - August 03, 2009
Cross The T's
She was going to kill herself because my brother didn't want her in his life anymore. So I snapped, got sick of letting her forget. What was I? Shit? I deserved much more as her daughter.

1:07 AM - August 02, 2009
Call
Did i do the right thing?

9:35 PM - August 01, 2009
Talent
She tries to pretend she'll mean something, that you'll turn to her shocked. Your too intelligent she'll say. That she had liked you, but she's damaged goods and uninteresting. An unfulfilled tragedy. And walk away uncaring, but that would be a lie. She'll hide behind her words teachers praised. Believe it.

11:22 PM - July 26, 2009
Drunk Holes
Panic erupted and my breath caught. My ankles huge from both the falls last night. Pills have aided to ease the pain today, but tomorrow i'm going in. No wonder i have been having breathing problems... It hurts and in the pit of my stomach i knew. Cracked...

3:44 PM - July 24, 2009
Final Call
Maybe it's wrong to smile when i found her dad just screwed her over. Her hero is dead and that black and white thinking wins out. I grin, she knows the truth. He's not all she pretends he is.

5:44 PM - July 23, 2009
Expectations
I know why they make me cry, i'm not expecting such kindness from them and i know soon they will betray me.

9:41 PM - July 21, 2009
Your Sick
Heat exhaustion,lack of food and sleep leaves your head unsteady. Pounding in your room, hiding from your skin and bearing all the pain. You thought...

5:50 PM - July 19, 2009
Snakes In The Attic
I'm troubled by them, by her and the snakes she's seeing. By the fact none of us want to accept reality.

11:16 PM - July 14, 2009
Jitters
I turn to the shadows and jerk back, they aren't human...

10:46 PM - July 14, 2009
What Is Strength? (An Expression Of Pain)
I've always wanted to seem strong, to be that girl with tears streaming down her face and still be able to whisper a simple,"I'm fine." while not having a panic attack. To scream and leave the windows riddled with holes and tears in my skin from cement. To open the doors without cringing and answering the phone without worring about alterial motives. To swallow every one of those pills i line up and not cry when i hear she's not gonna make it. To say something aloud...

8:13 PM - July 14, 2009
Last Day
If this was your last day, who would you spend it with? "I would want it to be with you," she says and looks away, beyond yesterday. "I would want to have fun."

1:18 AM - July 13, 2009
Remember
I loved you all...

10:38 PM - July 09, 2009
Hit And Miss (She Talks To God)
She talks to you when she's alone, wandering the rooms commanding attention. "This better be the best year," she says, "I'm counting down." And then stalks off, back to her own little world promising this is the last year.

4:29 PM - July 08, 2009
Cold (But I'm Still Here)
I want it to rain on me, on my parade.

9:33 PM - July 06, 2009
Murder Of One
"Dig deep," she says, " Rip my fucking heart out."

9:20 PM - July 06, 2009
Queen Bee
They say to many stings will kill you, as each increases your chance of an allergic reaction. I believe the poison is what gets you, accumilating and weakening your reserves... Soon theres nothing left and your consumed, burning.

12:12 AM - July 02, 2009
Forgotten
She knows the potential poisons on her hands,gracing her fingertips. Juice from the melon trails down them,past the hungry mouth and she can't bring herself to care. It's not enough to kill,it never is.

10:20 PM - June 25, 2009
Penalty
Fingers clamp into a fist and her breath hitches, tomorrows not gonna be any different. I swear.

10:09 PM - June 25, 2009
Finality
She says they'll understand... I won't have to depend upon anyone else,and i will have everything i need. I won't be clipping coupons and wondering... I won't be alone. I won't be here... I won't be dead like i keep promising myself. Maybe you'll even be happy, proud...

10:09 PM - June 25, 2009
Aspirations 2
("I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence / The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth." - Sober, Pink)

9:55 PM - June 25, 2009
Aspirations
(Dreaming comes so easily / 'Cause it's all that i've known - Damaged, Plumb)

1:13 AM - June 23, 2009
Reality
That ivory tower girl, she isn't that far off.

7:03 PM - June 20, 2009
Revelations
I noticed three days ago that my hands were uncleanched as i walked. Why do i feel so elated? So threatened?

4:21 PM - June 16, 2009
Livelyhood
The storm is about and i fear it will kill my tomatoes.

7:02 PM - June 15, 2009
Missing You
I couldn't stay away from you forever, no matter how i tried. Thoughts of you popped up.

7:20 PM - May 24, 2009
Hidden Truths
And was i to be surprized by the glimpse of erratic scars that her arms beared? I knew about the rusty razor blade that fell from her purse, that was years ago. Yet i compared and realized that my ocd controlled me as her bipolar did her. So perfecting straight in lined columns, missing only words between them. When you cut, you don't need words to explain...

8:28 PM - May 23, 2009
Peace
It's on the tip of her mind and she can't even glimpse it. So restless nothing can hold her. Her head is burning and heavy, weighed by something unknown. Even the sky is falling means nothing.

8:28 PM - May 23, 2009
Heat Stroke +
And I looked up levothyroxine overdoses hoping to explain my stomach ache, yet found other answers. What's wrong? Everything.

9:12 PM - May 20, 2009
Double Standards
And to tell you the truth that hurt, to know you could hate me easily. What of bestfriends? Why have I become so shallow?

8:14 PM - May 19, 2009
Mingle
I have entered a new world, gained a lovely avatar and a new hatred; the gold monster.

7:42 PM - May 17, 2009
Flavor Of Silent Rage
The red of my arms matches the red of my mind, the color of fresh cherries. So ripe and sweet, may my words bring you tears and waves of frustration. Do you know what it's like to be let down now? All those plans a waste... (Most of all i hope your happy now) All alone in your dreams.

4:26 PM - May 14, 2009
Inhale Exhale
The cigarette is lit and drifting towards her lips. Inhale and stain your fingers yellow, die alittle more. They say thats all that's left, what of the smell i can't seem to wash off? Perfume does not cover the sin. Don't hold your breathe, exhale sweety.

4:20 PM - May 14, 2009
Lead On
Why is it always them, the older men who hit on me? Maybe they are the only ones who will realize what i'm worth something? Maybe they will be the only ones? I still like you...

6:58 PM - May 13, 2009
Time To Die
Maggots within the earth, beneath the grass leave me shuttering. Why? What died here?

9:18 PM - May 11, 2009
Drive
Thoughts leave you craving and your hand reaches down. (Got to find the remote.)

10:33 PM - May 09, 2009
Horrors
The walls are crying and i'm wondering if the roof is leaking. Looking for a reason, an explanation. and unable to find it i watch. Why are they like that? (Like dripping stairways running down the walls) They're not mine.

10:08 PM - May 09, 2009
Instant Gratification
So I would like to say something so profound to you, so much it turned your world and made you glimpse the real me. So few people have seen her, the one who wanted this all... And i'm not sorry.

6:56 PM - May 07, 2009
Transference
The trees line the yard and look so natural here, it's like they were never removed from their original soil. Or maybe, just maybe they have discovered their meaning in life. I wonder how many will take then?

6:41 PM - May 07, 2009
Inhabited
What happens when your faeries aren't really faeries? But instead something entirely different and completely evil? Something dangerous?

5:44 PM - May 06, 2009
Thrill Of The Hunt
My breath catches in my throat and we go the other way. (Charming manners and a smile) He's following and we can't let them go. ( Suspicions) He wanted me. (Glow) So i'm beautiful?

5:44 PM - May 06, 2009
A Sight To Behold
So she said i was beautiful, too beautiful for tattoos... Now what would she think of my scars? A bittersweet smile. She knows nothing of real beauty, not until she has traced every line and discovered meaning.

5:32 PM - May 06, 2009
God Had A Riot
I swear it was the faeries tripping me,sending me to the rocky ground. Rooted i wondered,is this a price of a few trees? Is this their revenge? Scabs and raw skin cover my stinging legs,burning. You can't touch this love, and the gray rabbit turned away.

8:23 PM - May 03, 2009
Death's Embrace
And on that note she wrote I cared.

10:44 PM - May 02, 2009
Ghost Writing
So your pondering my exsistence now? Have you found any evidence? A whiff of a unnamed perfume? A shadow passing on a wall? Footsteps in the night? The feeling of finger tips gracing your throat, squeezing the life out of you? A invisible figure looking over your bed? A last farewell?

8:23 PM - May 01, 2009
And In Those Moments She Is Beautiful
She takes the blades to her legs in hopes to forget the memories. The thoughts of how she will never be strong enough and yet these are proof, her reminders. That when you go to bed and forget, she holds them close and quivers. Because only she should be able to hurt herself like this...

8:23 PM - May 01, 2009
Secrets...
Was I to tell her the truth? The truth about the scars on my legs and reasons? Reasons that I could never explain to anyone but you?

8:16 PM - May 01, 2009
Attention Seeking Behavior
I always thought "Who am i?" to be a stupid question, but mom's was much worse, "Why are you doing that? Are you trying to be like (her)?". It filled me with resentment and I mearly asked "Why not?" glaring and pulled my pants up to cover up my scars. (Shouldn't you be the one embaressed?). Your the one who's being ignorant...

8:15 PM - April 29, 2009
Numb Struck
The cards are scattered across the table and i'm wondering about sharp edges. Red lines drawn below the elbows and how much will spill over,ooze from beneath the skin. Most of all though, this feeling of how i should be mad.

8:01 PM - April 29, 2009
Soul Reaper
There's finger prints in the sky, strawn upon the clouds. Harley's dead and they think it might of been poison, some even blame infection, but i think we both already know the truth. He killed him just like he will kill the rest of us.

8:16 PM - April 27, 2009
Exhaustion Blooms
My head is heavy, and yet so easy to make light with each and every turn. Quick movements are to be avoided and all effort is null. I don't want to faint, i don't want them to know sugar alone is what sustained me. Now the rush is gone and the coma will soon overtake me, the very thing i fought in the first time. I'm so screwed as blood rushes into my head.

7:21 PM - April 24, 2009
Such Arrogance
I'm watching her face and movements, making sure a smile appears. They say that you can tell she's family. I wonder, was i ever like that? Shouldn't i be glad i wasnt'? Such silliness...

1:14 PM - April 24, 2009
Ghosts On The Line
I am becoming bothered by the random voicemails appearing. It's not just that i can't access them but they do not come with calls.... They are unsetting and inspiring my fears.

9:23 PM - April 23, 2009
Draw
Drawing the blade has become like second nature, so easy. Yet even with the familiar clicking that trills me i'm stopping. Why cannot i press down? My breath hitches. This will hurt (But not that much.) I cannot draw where she will see them. (Lower your pants, yes on the hip.) It got infected last time. (You know better now, lower.) Force it down, (Tear.) Cover quicky, (This relief.)

3:36 PM - April 23, 2009
Hands In His Pocket
They say he doesn't have the money and shouldn't be bothered. There's taxes and the latest death... But it's not like he's paying for the funeral is it? Mom keeps asking and i keep fearing. Will i even have a heart at the end of this? Will they even care? I have never seen them without.

3:36 PM - April 23, 2009
Scream And Shutter
The mention of the call is what undo's her. The last call from her brother, it starts her tears again. She always blamed him? But doesn't she have that right? She's the one who had to live with his ignorance and greed. She's the one who is sitting her crying because she was left without.

3:25 PM - April 23, 2009
Black Stains
And shes pushing the cloth against her face, she'll wet it with her tears and even that won't stop the mascara from running. She's sobbing into to it, trying to suffocate this feeling and when she looks up from it... She wonders. Do i look haunted enough for you now?

8:39 PM - April 21, 2009
Altercations
I live everyday without you and yet your there, ravaging my mind. I'm not that girl... but everyday i survive as her.

8:30 PM - April 21, 2009
Illustrate Your Point Please
The red of my nails matches the lines on my arm i carved in. Maybe that is how you spell love. Maybe that is how you hide the truth.

9:02 PM - April 19, 2009
Burn
I stood there and watched the egg in the boiling water, spoon in hand. Still empty from hunger and craving. I knew it would hurt, it would burn. Red wilts and future scars. Yet i couldn't keep away, i wanted to stick my whole hand in.

7:13 PM - April 19, 2009
.Hack//Universe
She has joined, sent a message and now there's no way out. Maybe the guys will join her, they wanted to share before...

9:04 PM - April 18, 2009
Wistful Thinking
I could never be more that what i am, i could never have what i wanted most, i could never have a life with you, i could never bear that thought.

8:53 PM - April 18, 2009
Fairytale Romances
I always wanna be her, that girl who's off somewhere else. That girl who has all those adventures,that girl who never fails in love,that girl who never failed to smile. That one person i could never be. That one person you could never forget.

9:40 PM - April 16, 2009
Fay Enchantment
Rose seeds on the garbage can lid,tilted pass the remaining pods and into the pill bottle. You shall be my new drug. You shall be my way out...

4:02 PM - April 14, 2009
Garden
Faeries giggle dancing around the gardens. No such things as semi circles there. Blue bell's ring and people die. The lucky are taken away,transported... While witch balls still remain glittering and five primrose petals lay on a glowing rock.

7:27 PM - April 13, 2009
Avoidence
I guess i might tell you the truth about yesterday, how my eyes watered. To be sent away from the main table and my rightful place. To be replaced and sent away. So i sat outside alone,removed and using avoidence. It doesn't feel alright anymore. I hate how your death undid us.

11:57 PM - April 12, 2009
Slip
Anxiety caught mom's breath away, she came to me shaking. I'm watching her fear undo her. She will be ok, he will never be ok again. Mirthless laughter. I hate you.

4:57 PM - April 11, 2009
Sever
The funeral is thursday and i have already forgotten the time. I will gladly tell her what i have heard. Yet i cant get this excitement out of my blood. We are direct family and the last to know. Outsiders knew and shocked my aunt and mother. My sister even kept her silence. Then again, why would i care? You can only survive so many betrayals... They are now awaiting my response... And i get to tell her i told you so.

11:34 PM - April 10, 2009
These Walls Are Barriers
And the truth is sometimes i feel alienated by the beginning of my friends conversations. I feel unwanted... Like i have killed all the things that could be. Even Katelynn's silence bothers me today.

6:08 PM - April 09, 2009
Spring Time Winds
Alcohal pours down your throat and you can't get the taste out of your mouth,atleast the evidence has been removed though.No longer can multiple thoughts survive.Your so numb you can hardly feel the chill outside. And its so cold outside.

3:23 PM - April 09, 2009
Ashes Is After Taste
The cigarette butt falls into the creek. A figure stands above regretfully. She had this passion that failed her. Now shes stealing cigarettes off her mother's dresser and losing faith. All she wanted was a puff,a taste of grape on her lips and a smile on her face. The ashes instead fell and filled her lungs with smoke, left with this bitter tobacco aftertaste. A wound on her hand and numb feeling in her head.

6:54 PM - April 06, 2009
Crushed
My brother's eight month baby is dead and i don't really care. Mom's upset and unsettled. You see that would of been me when i was younger. I think she still remembers...

6:48 PM - April 06, 2009
Hitch
Beneath a bird's hind theres a warp in time. So swift its rush a hole was torn. "The angels are singing in the rain." She saw my face then appear. I think we both already know what that means... Watch out below.

8:49 PM - April 05, 2009
Tough Luck
Sometimes i hate myself and realize how much worse my life could be, there are even moments i wish it were. Anything would beat these small insanities and unsaitable fears... It's not like they will just stop caring...

6:59 PM - April 05, 2009
Credability
"And sometimes when your in my hands i forget that i'm not so alone."

7:02 PM - April 03, 2009
Kiss And Control
The water falls from the sky as she twirls in the water, that girl she never felt so free...(water elemental)Sinking into the water she floats just above the surface, that girl never knew she felt so much...(vampire empathic)Her hands grace the pools surface and decide to go another way, that girl could never stay here.(astral projection) And most of all she couldn't decide what she wanted most.

6:49 PM - April 03, 2009
Anya Karin Belanov
Her voice is nothing like the others,it holds a cold chill and silently thrills you... Her eyes are blue green and hold so many mysteries... Those lips draw you away from the golden locks and soon become a smile against your skin,blood dripping down her chin. Who new that girl had fangs?

2:29 PM - April 01, 2009
Anxiety Whispers
Sometimes i worry i'm just sabatoging myself. Tomorrow i won't even show and i didn't even call today. The volunteering at the funeral home will end. I couldn't even find happiness there... I only found more anxiety. Do i just walk in or ring the bell? That door there is too closed. Now i'm waiting outside, outside of this all...

8:14 PM - March 30, 2009
Unease At A Distance
Did you ever bother to not wake up? Did you lay in bed and watch life pass you by. The tv going and phone in your hand, searching sites and stories to ease the emptiness it holds. And did you ever ask yourself if this is were you belong? Your so afraid of life out there and everything else it holds... You doubt you could survive there. The tv clicks off... And you go to fill the tub.

10:38 - March 28, 2009
Let Me Tell You A Story
She holds them at a distance,those who should be closest to her heart. And as he chokes empty panic fills her. She shoves a finger down his throat and smacks his back. He shouldn't die here,not in this moment. She pictures him dead, her heart turns cool. What would happen to her? And soon the heaving stops, the foul smelling food comes up. She goes to wash her hands and relief coarses though. She would of went on.

10:38 PM - March 28, 2009
Old Wive's Tales
I'd never thought it would be so dissapointing to hear my right ear ringing instead of my left.

9:27 PM - March 28, 2009
Latent Glory Days
Pale unblemished skin gleams in the moonlight. Oh how nice it would be to see. The only marks that mar the skin, those that you have drawn in. Ivory surround not pimples abound.

9:20 PM - March 28, 2009
Failing Health
The lyrics no longer hold my interest and my head seems to full. How quickly my eyes turn away and become heavy. I thought i had everything together, i was wrong.

6:17 PM - March 27, 2009
Swollen Rivers
The fast flowing creek rammed my boat into fallen branches where it proceeded to drown. I stood by and watched Katelynn try to save it. The balloon was the only survivor, I pulled Katelynn into the snow moments later where she cursed the snow and trails of mud.

6:01 PM - March 27, 2009
The World Didn't End
I apologize dear friend for ignoring you. You see my other phone broke in half and only today did i get this one set up. Now i can return to posting daily. Happy returns.

5:51 PM - March 13, 2009
In A Memory
Songs pass by,eyes searching rapidly through their lyrics and hoping to find that piece. That piece that suits your needs and holds a part of your heart. I found something more today, In A Memory. -(The Butterfly Effect)

6:58 PM - March 11, 2009
Bitter Taste
You got your shit and are acting sweet, you'll pay me back now. I think thats abit to late. This raging fevor doesn't quell my heart.

5:51 PM - March 11, 2009
Empty Heaven
Your creation strikes a cord within us,vibrating until we're strung out. Soon you'll have that balance and we won't be shaking. Only screaming as the words spew from our mouths. We found a harmony,yeah a harmony or something like that.

9:22 PM - March 09, 2009
Emissions
I wonder if she could live without him? I know she is on the list.

9:10 PM - March 09, 2009
Dead On Arrival
I'm waiting on your tears and though you weren't close,we know your gonna see yourself there. Thats enough to make anyone start. (They're gonna wrack your body mother,those damned tears.)

8:47 PM - March 06, 2009
New Light
The dead bring out the worst in us, that unsaitable need to help the victems of that tragedy. Those who never really cared now do and no ones really sure of what to say. The car crash and death of her husband will surely send you reeling though, and next week i still won't feel a thing.

8:06 PM - March 04, 2009
Car Crash
Beyond the music theres a voice trying to capture your attention and you just push it back. The car is almost upon you and i bet you would of never known if not for another yell. You move away and it speeds past... You wonder when they'll be back.

10:40 PM - March 03, 2009
Bitter Taste
Her heads down on the table,glancing sideways towards the glass. It all tastes like medicine now. Theres no more fun in this...

11:57 AM - March 03, 2009
The Cure
Sometimes its just so simple, to accidently overdose and not even notice. Watching your doses and dying abit each day. Because its everyday and eroding your stomach,your mind. And then you cant blame me, I solved your problem. Theres no more aching misery,no mind and no beating heart. No more vocal cords to scream the truth.

10:56 PM - March 02, 2009
Admit It
Your starting to slip and your gaining your grip and tomorrow you'll never be the same.

6:09 PM - March 01, 2009
Rumors
Everyday you remember and everyday you grow more anxious. The whispers are getting louder and will soon leave their heads. Untold stories and foul lips you dread.

5:51 PM - February 27, 2009
Bleeding Hearts Weep
And sometimes i'm so glad i am dead inside. Only then can your fickleness pass by my heart and into my mind. Its always better there,imagining. I can disect you into pieces and let every damned drop of blood drip. Let whats left of me know you were always late. You were always too late.

11:09 PM - February 26, 2009
Quiver
The bow is strung taunt and the arrow springs forth, her giggles follow. She's got you right between the eyes. "And you were saying?"

1:03 PM - February 24, 2009
Emory Rose Carlson
Her voice will echo through the halls and reach no one. No one that is alive anyway. Tomorrow it will be the same... Next week... But then a hand will reach her shoulder and send panic coursing through her. They want to be friends.

12:20 AM - February 23, 2009
Suffer The Children
Her eyes are tired,her body sore and all she wants to do is finish another story.

6:26 PM - February 20, 2009
Lurking Rage And...
So i want to say to you,say my ghost will haunt you. Fill your nights with screams and rude awakenings (like every night i awoke in tears,every day i cried.) Take it out on you and every silence (because you were the beginning and i had forgiven you.) Now that you have forgotten though...

9:44 PM - February 18, 2009
Kindly Angel
Your screaming and no one hears... Hold your breath and i will be right there. Whispering...

8:28 PM - February 17, 2009
River Race ( Snowmobile Run)
The cold air rushes past, numbing every pain. The sight before you blurring and soon your past caring. Inside your screaming i'm alive... Right up until you reach the end.

11:20 PM - February 16, 2009
Bloodshot Eyes
The red creeps up through the white and reaches the pupil. What a sore sight.

9:46 PM - February 15, 2009
Phase
Glimpse the lines beneath your second skin and fear the situation. Maybe they won't notice if you don't look.

2:15 PM - February 14, 2009
Intimacy
"And we love each tool alittle to much,every caress..."

12:20 AM - February 14, 2009
Princess Nevermore
Tears you'll never drown in. They fill the tub that holds her lifeless corpse. I guess she never got the memo, even the rivers now hold our tears.

11:57 PM - February 11, 2009
Halt
I will not be like you...

9:15 PM - February 10, 2009
Agitated State
How quickly the milk sours within my mouth. She ruined yet another day, mid-sentence. I want my money back.

9:19 PM - February 07, 2009
Dangerous Minds: A Horror Fan
Have you ever entered your own mind and been frightened? With each path leading to a nightmare worse than the last? Every scream lounder than the next? Soon even the chill begins to numb you.

9:50 PM - February 05, 2009
Over Eager
Your reaching again and again for another helping,so fearful of what else may fill you. So tempting is that unsaitable emptiness the dishes keep piling up, and soon even i can't help you.

10:10 PM - February 03, 2009
Dissapointment And Weighted Minds
I've been so tired, even avoiding what means the most to me,what should. Everything else has been weighed,been put off, except maybe accomplishing some schoolwork.Soon even the IOUs will of meant nothing, because you can only pay so much before exceeding yourself.

9:52 PM - February 02, 2009
Inner Turmoil
Whispers echo in my mind, just as when they crossed the room. Damaged. Damaged. Damaged. Damaged... How could they be so right?

9:31 PM - February 02, 2009
This Hopeless Serenade
I'm wondering what you would say if i asked? I'm not the girl you loved once, not in those moments when my smile was real and graced you. Not when i should of made an effort. You might be gone forever, and already. I shouldn't be asking stupid questions. Your type could never love me.

9:21 PM - February 02, 2009
A Rampant Need
Her birthday was great, Red Lobster filled my stomach and mind. Maybe tonight though when i get home i will allow myself to draw,just maybe. I was never ready,not really. Besides they are fading. I can now again hear their voices.

10:33 PM - February 01, 2009
I Am Not Dead
Nor is my father,though blood clots have began to threaten his recovery. We are not ready to be well just yet.

10:36 PM - January 29, 2009
Lurking Shadows
I'm haunted... While she believes you must be dead to donate a lung. And when the baby cries, i fear she sees what i already have. The darkness that haunts my steps. May you believe there is another fate.

10:01 PM - January 28, 2009
Tears Already Shed
He awakes within drenched sheets,gasping for air. Atleast that's how i imagine it would be without the oxygen. Her bloated corpse remains,a cold undead hand.That's how dad will be. I fear my excuses have taken away so much time... One day,one day i will gain the courage. I fear also what i may bring, the inevitable.

9:27 PM - January 28, 2009
A Dreadful Feeling
My 18th birthday was only survivable because of you and i fear you may of not of survived the ride home. I pray you made it. Please text me back,please be ok. I don't want your death to be the reason i was visited.

10:19 PM - January 26, 2009
These Memories
A broken wooden sled leaves lines in the snow. Drifts pass by and the hills behind us are no longer obscured by fog. The stars are still out and shards of wood caused by the shattering impact trailing behind. Not to mention the chunks. We left our roots.

11:33 PM - January 25, 2009
Self-Destruction
I dreamt of mermaids and warriors this morning,sea dwellers cast upon this earth. Just like sirens on the waiting rocks, drawing you in. Your self-destruction is only imminent. Beyond these dreams though...

3:03 PM - January 24, 2009
Struck
And if i'm forced to give up a lung for him to survive,how can i manage to hide these lines not meant for them to see?

10:22 PM - January 23, 2009
A Touching Fear
He loves me and was never there. She kept him away and he never tried hard enough...

1:19 AM - January 23, 2009
Retractable
The blade grew and i watched intently. I could do it... Just not tonite. A few more lines will have to do. I fear the blood might soak to far through.

9:43 PM - January 21, 2009
Unsettling
They found water on his lungs today,right up until one collapsed. She bawled when she called mom. He's going into surgery and they're frightened. Why don't i feel much except this solitary pang of guilt? I can't feet,i know he will be alright. I'm more worried about myself.

9:18 PM - January 19, 2009
Pin Your Heart Up (Intervention)
And scream as it pierces through, everyone is watching.

7:58 PM - January 18, 2009
Conversations With An Immortal
Ashes to ashes,vampires to dust. What happens when the world burns out?

10:14 PM - January 17, 2009
Scorched Bag
I wish we could of afforded to make those dishes and have them fill me, instead of this burnt popcorn and it's scent wafting up my nose.

10:03 PM - January 16, 2009
Fallen Photograph And Broken Pieces
Dad managed to catch pnuemonia and break a rib. His lungs are black and he suffers from stress ulcers,maybe worse. That image of broken glass looking like you held a knife to your throat reamergers in my mind. But what of us,our fate? We were empty. The other two have already met theirs ( he held the knife within his hand, she never saw the point reaching up into her ) May that be all there is.

11:12 PM - January 15, 2009
Siege
I reached an inpass and couldn't leave without you. My heart was stilled.

11:12 PM - January 15, 2009
Belladonna (The Alternative)
The docters are trying to fix me,give me what i need and yet again i only managed to tell half of what was wrong. My stomach still hurts.

11:59 PM - January 14, 2009
The Bird
When we're happy we work more but your taking everything away that allowed us to be. All those extras,that freedom. Your ruining the school with your neverending words and supposed justification. We needed help, but now you do. Your on a rampage... You need to realize that and fix yourself first.

11:43 PM - January 14, 2009
Never Enough
She watches the streets,people passing and cars shooting by. Down on your knees at the edge of the crosswalk. No one hears her silent scream, if there ever was one. Then that girl quickly rises. Pretending it never happened nor the shooting pain but quietly wishing the lines she drew hurt like that.

11:38 PM - January 14, 2009
Bruised Knees
Smile and pretend like you still feel after the initial impact.

11:46 PM - January 13, 2009
Hold That Breath
Sore eyes and a line of pills straight across the table. Maybe she should of took a handfull.

11:26 PM - January 13, 2009
Inside It's Raining
And it's been a year you said. If i could of spoke i would of said more. I'd only began to realize how numb i'd become. These breaking moments when tears pour on the outside, leaving me shaking. Twirling a safety pin,open,close,press and stab. You will never know how calming that is. I want to cut and show you. I can keep myself happy and survive the waves. The water can't kill me.

11:16 PM - January 13, 2009
And It Never Lets Up
I got to get this romantic idea of dying on my birthday, even before out of my head. There's just something is about dying young that's memorable. It makes such an impact.

3:20 AM - January 12, 2009
Words From My Youth
Within sixteen days i will reach my eighteenth year and this has left me contemplating,lurking in the dark. I want to be remembered,i want to have accomplished and though i was a published author by sixteen i want more. Maybe these will be published.

11:47 PM - January 11, 2009
Wasted Days
I wanted to apologize for missing entries, my internet has been unaccessable the past two days. Hopefully i can return to my daily posts now that its fixed.

4:07 PM - January 08, 2009
Knives And A Fork In The Road
I wear you in my hand as if you were just another accessary but we both know better,your to sharp. I'm missing your caress.

9:12 PM - January 06, 2009
Scale
That was last night though, today was exhausting. Three hours of sleep and waving down a bus. Makeup dispair and aches. The mysterious allergy and broken thoughts. Pills to soothe and a nap. The sound of music gone and that feeling your not really alone. This knowing how easily commitments will fall through. A day spent in fear.

9:02 PM - January 06, 2009
Godless Days
So i prayed, for the first time in weeks last night,truely prayed.I knew i had too and then it came forth so easily. The feeling of being watched disappaited and though the banging i heard was creepy, it quieted. The other sounds too. ( What was the cold that left mom?) No more godless days.

9:40 PM - January 05, 2009
Vague Notions ( Scream)
I see them there though they cannot exsist, nor do i ask forgiveness for when they do. A single mark appears...

11:55 PM - January 04, 2009
Logic
How can you remain so bitter, with all those sweets in you? I can't. They bring my lips into the curve of a smile.

11:42 PM - January 03, 2009
Future goals
I'm not ready yet...

10:50 PM - January 02, 2009
Washroom Escapades (Rough Draft)
She talks to herself quietly,imagining the black socks covering the lines presently beneath the water.They never question them,no or the black lace up boots used to slow the seeping blood.It's always harder to see there though,in the dark. "Hurry darling," he calls out through the door becoming impatient.

10:25 PM - January 02, 2009
Remaining Questions
We wander,my thoughts and i through each possibility, seeking out the shards of hope.We know how sharp and piercing they are,enough to fill.I begin to eat and wonder how you'll take it.

11:40 PM - January 01, 2009
These Constants
Back in the world of responsibilites we go,not rushed but pushed on by all those days already spent. May the rest not collapse upon us.

11:58 PM - December 31, 2008
Happy New Year
In the next few moments a new year begins... May it be better than the last.

10:04 PM - December 31, 2008
Temptations And Resolutons
Last night i recognized the silvery starts of scars surround by fading red,past the blood of the others. I know i keep saying i can stop whenever i want to,when i recieved the scars that would save me. Yet i will attempt to stop,to challenge myself. Remind me that i can control it,control myself. That there's more to this than shallow wants. That this could be what i need. Only then can i return the precious metal to my skin. Though i can't promise to try real hard.

11:21 PM - December 29, 2008
Slow Rush
I hardly considered you today,hardly felt the freshness of every line. Maybe it was the harsh crazy carpet wipeouts that stole my breath away, but i'm doubting it.

9:14 PM - December 28, 2008
Continuous Distractions
Her voice is separated by the thoughts,that little voice urging me on. I begin to wonder... How did you become the most relevant thing in my life?

10:43 PM - December 26, 2008
Then Beyond Yourself
It's almost as if your standing outside your body when realization hits. Your watching from the sidelines and no one else is noticing. No one knows,not even those who should know you best,who are supposed to love you the most. They cannot see how controlled you've become,how numb... Especially around them. They will not be allowed too.

1:11 PM - December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas
I don't have much else to say at the moment. I mearly wanted to greet you.

9:55 PM - December 24, 2008
Early Christmas
We should be inspired by the sweet children,those who still believe in all the innocent things. Those who ask you to be near and simply play along. Those who utter such darling things when nothings expected. They fill you with such joy, and then you start smiling. Momentary Love.

11:11 PM - December 23, 2008
Fearful Findings
I want to wander off,find my favorite tool and run the water. Filled with disappointment over failings and friendship,i know i can find some happiness tomorrow even if it's just some gluttony. I remember now where i stand,my place.A few lines and you'll never even notice the difference.

10:44 PM - December 21, 2008
Misery Of The Mind
She listens to the rushing water,calming down. Cleansed metal reaches skin and begins to tear flesh,focus on that pain. She hates to redraw those exact lines and would rather create a few new ones,but is running short on space. She can't stop....It's too important. Her pining is almost gone and some of the aching.

11:34 PM - December 20, 2008
Ramblings And Fear Of Becoming
He shouldn't be here,he no longer belongs... I cast him from my heart ages ago,but why can't she understand he has no place here? Even a friend has been thrown,she couldn't care beyond herself. Why else would she ask so suddenly? Another friend can't manage to stay around. Most of all,why can't they see? I had needed them.

10:39 PM - December 19, 2008
Taking hostages
My heart had been calm,my mind it's usual tortured self. So used to the fighting and hate,so used to giving in. Hurt still fills me though.To know you would write from when mom convienced me to write love. (I can't count the people i love upon one hand,but your not one of them)So this will be changed. Even one of my friends,ever so selfish texted me for the first time in months. I almost held hope until she so "smoothly" texted me a few minutes later. She wants her shit back, i want my money.

11:03 PM - December 18, 2008
Resemblence Of A Heart
The pain is all she really wants to care about anymore,what she feels brings the most to her life,the numbness that centers her mind. Everything else is just an inconvience,meddlesome and pertains to the aching...

9:59 PM - December 17, 2008
An Important Lesson Of The Day
Never be short with god,his revenge will be swift.. So remember he knows everything.Pray with your heart or keep your mouth silent.

10:12 PM - December 16, 2008
Fresh Cuts
Today i was reminded amonst every attempt to sit up and retrieve the cookies what i had done.

9:52 PM - December 16, 2008
Examining The Facts
It makes me feel beautiful alright? I know many other girls trace the blood from their veins and put far more pressure,yet it makes me feel special. I'm not exactly one of them. I do not act in order for relief, i'm to busy drawing away what i cannot stand. This look of innocence and lack there of. I draw into my skins,reminders. (that i could still exsist in their lives) That tomorrow they might remember i exsist. That i might be able to cut myself,infront of you,despite my initial embarressment. I could then show you what i had meant to say.

11:55 PM - December 15, 2008
They Sketch Upon Her Arm, Signs
The new marks prove there's something beyond me intervening.

to haunt, to startle, and way-lay