2:53 PM - September 20, 2022
3:46 PM - September 10, 2022
And I see how hard we cling to life, how we should be talking about memories and to each other, and just being there in those final moments.
Today I left aunties side though, because I felt we were not wanted by her daughter. But i had said I'd be back. And though we may not meet again in this life, if she doesn't make it through the night. I know that eventually I will join her, and the others that have passed before us. And maybe in heaven or another life, feeling de ja vu as we pass. And it will be enough.
1:58 PM - September 04, 2022
1:11 AM - March 20, 2022
Now I see so many, still holding onto it, and while I respect their right to hold it. To burn. I wish they understood, it's okay to feel that way. That there are others who understand.
That it's also possible to live, without your hands constantly in fists too. That you do not have to hold onto it forever. That there is relief, expressing it and just not in taking it out on others, in making others feel it. Because that often harms you both, and there are other, more forgiving ways to express it. Better revenges.
And most of all, I hope you find your hands free, and loose one day. That those angry days, don't last.
2:32 PM - December 03, 2021
I'm not really hopeful though, and am considering dying again. The romantic in me always arriving close to my birthday.
I want to live, but on the coarse I'm on, I always wonder if it's worth it.
7:28 PM - July 14, 2021
I have a new friend, my brother has lost his leg and is letting his wife live in his shed, with her new boyfriend. My cousin is now on insulin. My aunt still has cancer. My niece and nephew are giants, compared to me. I'm off my anxiety medication, and am feeling it. That's mostly why I'm here.
I'm worried about how everything will turn out, or if I'll end up sleeping the rest of my time away.
If things will get steady again.
I know they probably will, but all this irrational fear gets to me.
And I feel a little better, being here.
Rambling. Trying to avoid the scary things.