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1:11 AM - March 20, 2022
Trunks
I remember being angry all the time when I was a teen, full of resentment and hurt. Unhelpful hormones. And it took years, and someone I adore saying I had every right to be, to really put a dent in it. To let go of what I was holding on so tightly to.

Now I see so many, still holding onto it, and while I respect their right to hold it. To burn. I wish they understood, it's okay to feel that way. That there are others who understand.

That it's also possible to live, without your hands constantly in fists too. That you do not have to hold onto it forever. That there is relief, expressing it and just not in taking it out on others, in making others feel it. Because that often harms you both, and there are other, more forgiving ways to express it. Better revenges.

And most of all, I hope you find your hands free, and loose one day. That those angry days, don't last.

2:32 PM - December 03, 2021
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I'm still struggling with my anxiety. At one point I was numb to everything, and my head was silent, which had me finally understanding how some people are so thoughtless and ignorant. Yet my family complained I was a zombie, and about my weight gain because of my medication. Now it's been changed, and i'm hoping I can reach that okay state again.

I'm not really hopeful though, and am considering dying again. The romantic in me always arriving close to my birthday.

I want to live, but on the coarse I'm on, I always wonder if it's worth it.

7:28 PM - July 14, 2021
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It's been a long time since I last wrote here, felt the need too. Many things have happened. Changed.

I have a new friend, my brother has lost his leg and is letting his wife live in his shed, with her new boyfriend. My cousin is now on insulin. My aunt still has cancer. My niece and nephew are giants, compared to me. I'm off my anxiety medication, and am feeling it. That's mostly why I'm here.

I'm worried about how everything will turn out, or if I'll end up sleeping the rest of my time away.

If things will get steady again.

I know they probably will, but all this irrational fear gets to me.

And I feel a little better, being here.

Rambling. Trying to avoid the scary things.

 

to haunt, to startle, and way-lay

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