4:12 PM - December 08, 2008
Dead Aim
I shouldn't make deals with myself, it's dangerous. Especially when its substituing work time for that of guilty pleasures. I doubt i will get any module work done today either... Damn.

10:56 PM - December 07, 2008
So Blind
I have never dreamt with subtitles before, but since this morning that is no longer true. Very odd but more riveting,it added more definition to what i was seeing. Even more than the torn lines caked with dried blood later on.

12:15 AM - December 07, 2008
Wishing Well
Send your wishes into the well in forms of copper and nickle,even elements of sliver. Send a penny for better days,a nickle for the time. Then a dime for your heart and quarter for revenge. Believe in the wishing well gods you must have forgotten.

11:53 PM - December 06, 2008
Tilted World
Today the world did not fall apart,nor any other day so far. Yet it was least likely. Just lounging around with family can't harm the balance that much, atleast when your aunt and mom get along.

12:03 AM - December 06, 2008
Things That I Have Done
I realize i apologize for way to much. Those words are only to soothe the guilt because i was wrong,not because i am accually sorry. Yet today it must be the self-pity and knowing.

11:50 PM - December 05, 2008
Pathetic
This morning i had that dream and held the gun,pumped the heart and head with lead. Loaded with reasons i could still go on,even with the tears running down. I think i can let go now though,for your about to pull your own trigger.

9:39 PM - December 04, 2008
Betrayals Of The Heart
So you are sick now and even in the hospital,yet i can't bring myself to care. It's only diabetes. You will be out soon. Let her attempt a guilt trip saying you would come to see me. Yet your the one who has betrayed us... Me. Numerous times and you still plead innocence. I would send you away. Call me heartless, but atleast i have my reasons. I would even send her away if she said you could stay.

9:39 PM - December 03, 2008
Annoyances
I really hope he doesn't give us limited computer time,for i might end up saying something. Thats the only reason i go to school. So let her bitch and moan. Let her expect then that i will kinder upon her. Help her and make her welcomed. Everything she has seen of me will disappear. My anger has made it's way out.

8:24 PM - December 02, 2008
Healthy Times
I am not paranoid,don't worry. I know someone's out to get me... They want to make me cry in front of them. Maybe even tell them...

10:18 PM - December 01, 2008
Every Entry Before And After
And i am sorry if my journal isn't just about my days like so many others or emotions,but whatever runs through my mind and manages to get on this page. I am bound to over commit some days,well others not so much. So forgive me and try to understand. But if not,there's always other diarys to read. It's a gift to be able to read them, and i thank the others for theirs.

9:38 PM - December 01, 2008
I Worry : A Tribute
That look on your face is says determined,but your eyes say melancholy. Have you seen the monster that lurks beneath our beds? Or the one you cannot see,hidden in darker parts? Maybe it's the eyes staring up from the drain? But whatever it was, it's nothing like whats inside of you. I worry,i worry alot.

9:13 PM - December 01, 2008
Focus
Today again has been filled with nothing just lazing about and focusing. Trying to figure out the mystery pain. Then miracously how my lost phone has been found,even though its been over 5 months. Will it even be worth getting back? There surely wont be a reward considering its hundreds of miles away. Finally the painting of my nails a sharp red,almost candy apple red. Pretty and hopefully it will last a few days without touch ups. Most of all i hope everythings ok...

10:04 PM - November 30, 2008
A Portrait
I want to tell you a story about a girl. But i will have to draw her out for you. She smiles so much you can no longer tell which is sincere. A tribute the the painted face she will soon wear. Within the costume meant of a clown she balances,her pointed shoes curling up even as she stands on tip toe. The rest of her body moving back towards the beginning as she leans over the edge of obilivion. A hand raises slowly up,until her arm is bent a the elbow and index finger touching her bottom lip. Then ... Thoughts Of Decisions.

9:16 PM - November 30, 2008
Entrancements
Its almost gone yet still aches occastionally. Somehow though other more pleasent things flow through me today. Those memories.

The smile on your face,as my present addiction became yours. All those times we ended up laughing. (Pomegranites And Those Moments)

Stories in my youth that allowed me to become to become her hero. (In A Land Of Camping Out And Wolves)

Then how his crush warmed my heart. (Endearing Smiles And Impish Grins)

Passionate words he said that quelled my yearning heart. You wanted me. ( Promises And Devotion)

Those moments in which i couldn't put you down,attempting to read while showering. (The Final Affair)

Oh how these moments hold me,if only they weren't over. I still remember... The love i felt for you then,thats all.

1:11 AM - November 30, 2008
Reasons To Breathe
And in their eye's i sometimes see the need for reasons, just as i have seen them reflecting in my own. And it's not just tomorrow they're looking for today because things are ok. Atleast for now.

10:42 PM - November 29, 2008
After Effects
This morning really wasn't that great,with less then the four hours of sleep i can function on. Making my trip to the hospital quite undeseriable. It just wasn't one of those days...

10:30 PM - November 28, 2008
Hospital Days
Maybe i should go in...

10:18 PM - November 27, 2008
Vulgar
There hasn't been much left to do today except maybe think. Relive the memories,past thoughts and blunders. So i ended up sitting there,drawing. Watching how the lines grew. Trails that would lead you to me. Thinking of what i should of said to you,should say. Have you ever changed yourself to please someone,only to watch they look over you? Have you ever died in that moment? Or the ones before? Have you ever been so self conscious their words won't die in your head. Why should i try? What is the goal? To become like you? I think i'll pass. Even just for now. If you don't want me now,why should you later? I will still be the same, if only in body.

8:02 PM - November 27, 2008
Sick To Your Stomach
And what ails me is still here. Passing and returning,as if some being thought it was a game. You will be ok,just not today. And also the second day without school. The second day of sleeping until i cannot. Wake up. Hope you don't throw up what's left in you.

12:13 AM - November 27, 2008
Chase The Blood From Her Veins
That whisper,i know that voice. Did i love you? Did i even know you? Please tell me. Cause i feel like i'm about to fall down.

10:41 PM - November 25, 2008
Reactions
"Squirrels!" People who see what is infront of them and care.

"Idiots." Those other people who pretend not to care,but are watching intently.

"Ok..." The other's who unnerved by the fact it could of been them pointing out the rodent,but denying it.

10:02 PM - November 25, 2008
Play Not A Minor In C
Today has been a better day,for decorating and kisses usually put me in a better mood. Yet my pride won against better judgement and i took sky down with me. He landed in shit while me on my head. The dizziness is worse than normal,and the twitching becoming more like tremours. Even the sight of faded marks not triggering. Yet it will pass,as all hurts will. Then my head will clear some more and i can get up. Shower and then go to sleep,hoping i will wake up.

9:23 p.m. - 2008-11-25
The Art Of Hand Holding
As children,we hold hands because they love us.

As adults because we love someone.

And as seniors because we dont want to lose that loved one.

9:38 p.m. - 2008-11-24
Sights Beyond Ours...
Watch their eyes,take in the sparkle,intensity and depth. Hope you find what you need.

8:22 p.m. - 2008-11-24
Hoping it will pass

I think i would like to get away for awhile, even just a week. The cold seems to be getting to me,making me wish my body was as numb as my mind, though it races.But summer is gone and so are the warm waters, leaveing me stuck and hoping it will pass. This need to return to the nature that allows me to thrive.

6:21 p.m. - 2008-11-24
Results of the day

I'm trying to keep up with my module work,but the marks on my arms are burning. A gift from moo, the meaner kitten of my two. They'e not made in the pretty straight lines i would like, nor as deep. Yet i deserved them, for i wanted to play. Stare then go wash up. Concentrate and look forward to something else. The other marks are fading though...

11:58 a.m. - 2008-11-24
Introductions
Greetings and welcome to my life through the glass. It's only right i make some introductions before spilling my guts and soul to you. I am the writer and you are my dearest confidant.

to haunt, to startle, and way-lay